


Stay the Maddness

by M3lancholy_Blues



Category: DC Cinematic Universe, DCU (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-09 17:36:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8904766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M3lancholy_Blues/pseuds/M3lancholy_Blues
Summary: My re-imagining of the movie and beyond from the jokers perspective.





	1. Insanity

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own these characters, they belong to the DC Universe. I am merely borrowing them for artistic purposes.

_‘Puddin’_

Her voice, always her voice, whispering in the corners of his mind. Even when he tried to leave and do jobs, when he tried to silence her with drugs she would come back.

_‘I love ya puddin’_

When did it become this? When did he become this? Guilt and rage at war in his head. How dare she leave me!

_‘But she didn’t leave did she J, you left her. You left-‘_  
_‘Puddin I cant swim!’_

The sound of the door opening had him sitting up with a gun in his hand, one in the chamber ready to blow a head off. They knew I was not to be disturbed.

“Boss,” Frost said with his hands up as he slid in the door, careful not to let the others in the hall see me. He was the only one who knew, it was safer this way. Best to not let everyone know just how much the lack of her was affecting me.

“Where is she,” he growled out to him, voice undisguised. He was supposed to have found her by now. It had been months. Months! They could have been doing all kinds of things to his Harls. His queen.

“It’s complex,” Jonny said imploringly. J glared at him to get to the point, Jonny knew he didn’t give a fuck about complex. “It’s not just her, everyone’s disappearing. It’s this new law they got, if your a bad enough bad guy they stamp terrorist on your jacket and send you to a swamp in Louisiana. Black site. That’s where she is.”

_‘Come find me puddin’_

A swamp in Louisiana, that was nothing. Joker would burn this city to get her back, and he had. In the first month alone he had burned half the city down, and killed more people than usual just to find his Harley. It was only at Frost’s behest that he had not continued, something about there being nothing left for him to rule.

_‘You wouldn’t have to get her if you hadn’t left her’_  
_‘Get her back so we can kill her for leaving! For making us feel this way’_

“what are we gonna do?” Frost asked bringing him out the madness. He sat there trying to decide which voice to listen to, which way to go. To get her back or not. ‘Why do I need her?’

_‘I promise I wont hurt you, just let me in! Let me love you’_

“Bring the car around, were going for a drive,” he said as he fell back into his mural on the floor. Oh how the mighty have fallen, he thought as he let out a laugh.

_‘Do you want this?’_  
_‘I do’_

It had been a joke, an experiment. Make the doctor give up everything for you. How far would the doctor go for you? And she had given everything up, including her sanity. She had brought him the gun, helped him escape. And even after he left her, and tortured her she came back. Chased him down, jumped into the acid at his request. He had meant to leave her there, let her die but no that wasn't funny enough. Or that’s what he had told himself when he jumped in after her, but that was just the beginning. He hadn’t even fucked her yet then, hadn’t even come to fathom the depths of which she would get under his skin. He hadn’t even understood what she was making him feel then, thought he was immune.

_'Desire becomes surrender, surrender becomes power'_

But now, now he knew. She hadn’t fixed him, oh no she had done worse. She had made him love her. She had made him crave her, need her. J couldn't imagine never touching her again, never hearing her breathy moans as they fucked after murdering some man who was eyeing her too long. He killed for her, burned the city down for her. He had brought her to his side and made her his in every way. He would find her and get her back. The remainder of his sanity depended on it.


	2. Illusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Casino

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, the characters do not belong to me, just borrowing them for my imagination.

Chapter 2- Illusion

  
Frost had found a way in, as he always did. This was of course why J kept him around. One of the guards at the prison had racked up quite the debt and was due to be burnt any day now, it was the perfect opportunity. They made the drive down to that backwater state at half the time, Frost knew Joker was in no mood to take his time. It hadn’t taken much to have the Jamaicans that ran the place call in his mark, and J couldn’t wait to show this Griggs who the real “alpha” was.

J had cleaned up of course. Gone was any visible sign of maddness, he had to be at his best to see his girl. Frost and another lackey cleared the way to the kitchen in the back of the casino. As they closed in on the room they could hear someone chatting away.

_‘Oh let’s play puddin’_

I growled at her voice and let Frost go into the room first as I took a moment to silence her and all the other voices.

_‘Not now baby doll, we’ll play later. Need him to get you home’_

“Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah,” he growled out as he walked in, resting his hands on Griggs shoulders and running them down his arms. “All that chit chat is going to get you hurt,” he said slapping his arms hard to get his point across.

“Oh my god,” Griggs said as he jumped. J growled as the man spoke and moved around to snarl in his face letting him know he was not up for talking by no means. Griggs fell silent as recognition slid across his face, and J moved his left hand up waiting for the pathetic man to kiss it.

 _‘rip his throat out’_  
_‘knock his teeth out’_

Joker growled and shook his head trying again to get the voices to shut up, now was not the time. Griggs kissed the ring and J sat in his lap, just because he couldn’t kill him didn’t mean that he couldn’t have a little fun. If he didn't have fun they wouldn't think he was really the joker, because after all he always got the last laugh.

 

“I could tell you meant that,” he said as he patted the side of his face. The poor man looked ready to piss himself and Joker found himself pleased, he hadn’t lost his edge.

“You know why I’m here?” J growled out, Griggs shook his head. J held out his hand to the butcher over Griggs left shoulder, who handed him the hatchet he had been using without hesitation.

_‘he’s lying, kill him’_

“We can play games if you would like, but I can assure you I haven’t been in the best of moods lately I might not play fair,” J said, his words starting out theatrically as usual but ending on a growl as he bared his teeth at him, making the man tremble. The knife he held against the side of his neck drawing a thin line of blood as Griggs shook his head.

 _‘Chop it off’_  
And he wanted to, fuck he wanted to. She was the reason he was here, the reason he couldn’t kill this stupid fuck who had the audacity to try and lie to him. This lying sack of shit was his way to his girl, so he had to keep him alive for now. The rage he felt at that was only second to the longing he felt for her, and that was enough to stay his hand for the moment.

“Good, cause I think your gonna be my friend,” Joker said menacingly. Griggs nodded his head, paying no heed to the damage it was doing to his neck. Joker leaned back stretching the tic in his neck as he shook his head as he looked back down at Griggs.

“Now Griggs is it? Tell me how is my girl hmmm?” Joker said grinning at him as he lowered the hatchet minutely so he could speak. The man trembled, the fear radiating off of him enough to fuel the beast inside J. He felt almost like himself at the moment, but it was hallow and for that he would pa

“G-g-good, alive and well. I can’t break-“  
“Ah ah ah,” J said sliding the hatchet right back up and making the wounds deeper. “Did I ask you that. Pay attention the rules there “alpha” or you’ll start losing body parts. Am I clear?”

“Crystal,” Griggs said struggling to hold his gaze. Joker cackled loudly at his reaction, high off his fear.

“Your going to tell Frost here every thing you had planned for my girl, and your going to tell us where my Harley is being held inside,” J said sliding off the mans lap and motioning for the Jamaicans to leave the room. “You leave anything out and I will burn your house down with your kids in it. They may have morals but you’ll find I do not.”

Griggs promptly started talking, spilling his guts and telling them everything they need to know. How to get to the place, how her cage was set up inside a larger cage. The impending transfer to some task force group, as if she were someone else toy to play with. She belonged to him, only he was allowed to use her as he saw fit. The rage inside him grew to new depths, he could feel that familiar itch building up inside. 

Joker walked towards the door handing a spare phone to Griggs, “make sure she gets this.”

J left knowing Frost would take care of the rest, the other henchmen followed him, flaking his sides as he went back to the car to wait. He wasn’t sure he could remain in the room with that man and not kill him. The car meant silence and no one to interrupt him as he battled against the madness. 

The high from Griggs fear felt empty, no longer feeding the beast that slumbered inside him. His little monster hadn’t been there to eg him on, to celebrate with him after he got what he wanted. But she would be soon, and that lifted the heavy feeling in his chest minutely.

Frost joined him in the car a while later and started the engine, not making eye contact with him. Jonny boy had learned so well how to deal with him, waiting on him to ask first before speaking.

“Well?” J said softly.

“Their taking her and all the others out tomorrow. But he said it would be easier to get her the phone that way. We can track her, but their going to put some bomb shit in their necks to make them cooperate. But our friend told me who the doctor is that made them. He’s at work right now, over in Metropolis. You say the word I’ll have the boys go grab his wife.”

_‘Do it Puddin’, do it!’_

“Do it. Lets go pay our doctor friend a visit, make sure Panda boy tags along,” J said cackling. Everything was coming together now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	3. Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our poor Mistah J is getting closer to his goal, but what havoc does that wreck on his poor already fragile mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, these characters do not belong to me. I am merely borrowing. 
> 
> Just to avoid confusion:  
> ' '- thoughts in his head, i.e. the voices  
> '" "'- actual things people said that he remembers, like the quotes from the chemical wedding scene and such. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Chapter 3- Distraction

_He couldn’t fucking believe himself. He had actually jumped back into the fucking acid for her. It wasn’t as bad as the first time, no serious burning. But he knew she would burn, this woman who had convinced him to come in after her with her bright loving trusting baby blue eyes. He looked down at her waiting to see if she would breath again after he blew into her mouth, and to his surprise she did. Coughing and sputtering as she tried to breath through the thick toxin coating her from the inside out, the sharp pain in his chest receded. She would live._

_‘Drown her’_

_“Mistah J,” she whimpered when she could finally breath again. Those plump lips still pink and ripe whispering his name drew I'm in, silencing his demons. He crushed his lips to hers, not caring if it would agitate her current burning state. He could never drown her, he wasn’t finished with her yet._

_“Lets go home baby doll,” he growled as he waded over to the stairs and stood, setting her down on the platform before climbing out himself. Harley stood and followed him acid dripping off of her, her skins peachy color going with it. J ripped off his gun holster that was melting away and flung it to the side as he grabbed her hand and pulled her staggering along behind him to his car. He picked her up and put her in his passenger seat before getting in on the drivers side and pulling off._

_When he got to the abandoned factory on the water front he parked in the garage he had built on the side, Frost waiting by the door for him. J took in the look of surprise that crossed Jonny’s face at seeing the sleeping Dr. Quinzel before it was gone, Frost’s face schooled back into his usual disinterest. ‘Good boy’_

_Jonny held the door open for Joker as he walked in and took the elevator up three levels to his room. Joker turned to him as they reached the door to his room._

_“Take the car to have the upholstery replaced, and bring clothes for her. Leave it by the door, don’t bother me for a while. I've got a painting to mold,” J said laughing to himself. Jonny nodded and slunk off into the shadows to do as he was bid._

  
_He went straight to the bathroom turning on the shower and setting her on the cold tiled floor of it as he stripped down, she was still sleeping. He was a little rough with his treatment of her as he stripped her down hoping she would wake up, and he was not disappointed. He could admit that the view of her new pale naked body wasn’t a disappointment either, it never had been. She was beautiful, and she was his wether she knew it or not stupid girl. From the moment she had let him taste her she was his._

_“Mistah J, it burns everywhere,” she whimpered out, her blue eyes pleading with him to help. Oh he knew, he understood all too well what kind of pain she was in at the moment, nerve endings on fire, insides twisting. Lucky her, she had someone who knew how to soothe the ache._

_“Shh pumpkin pie, I know, daddy’s gonna fix you right up,” J purred to her. And when she heard that voice, oh her response was beautiful. Eyes open, lips parting, lust filling her gaze as it raked up and down his naked flesh. Joker couldn’t help but be impresssed that even after being in a vat of acid all she wanted was him. Oh yes, she would be his best creation yet._

_‘Mark her, posses her’_

_Like he had those rainy dark nights in her office, feasting between her thighs. He warm eager to please mouth swallowing him down. He would leave marks and bruises all over her skin beneath those tight long skirts and white lab coats. But he hadn’t fucked her, he was just having a little fun luring her inner self out. And now here she was, the itch in his crotch. But he wanted her to enjoy it, to relish in it as to complete her transformation. Not to mention having a burning acid covered dick was **not** one of his fetishes._

_He got the ph balancing solution from under his sink that he had to use every once in a while to clear his skin from having that constant burning sensation and shedding. He went back to the shower using it to wash both of them off trying to go softly on her. J found he rather enjoyed that slight edge of pain as the solution scraped across his raw skin, but he figured she wouldn’t. But to his surprise she only groaned softly, no yelling, and he found his attraction reaching new heights as he realized his painful touch was turning her on. His breathing deepens as he struggled to control himself, he could wait and fuck her, soon he would have eternity to do so._

_“Oh kitten, what’s this?” he growled to her as he dropped the rag into the water after cleansing her skin. He swiped between her legs with his index finger to find her ready and dripping wet. He had every intention of just rubbing her face in how far she had fallen into his web but she didn’t even care. He saw the desperation in her face as she tried to pull him closer to her. Felt the need in how tight her grip was around him, and it only fed his hunger for her more._

_“Please J,” she whimpered. Just as she had when he told her to beg for it on the ledge above the acid. He groaned and crushed her to his chest, his mouth covering hers. And the arousal within them was unleashed like a beast, they were clawing and pulling at each other trying to sink deeper into the other. And when he finally found himself sinking into her moist depths, her silken walls clasping around him as he groaned into her neck, J realized he had made a grave error. This woman had fucked up everything and he couldn’t get rid of her, and he couldn’t bring himself to care which was the problem. Here with her legs wrapped around his waist as he pounded into her, branding her his from the inside out, he couldn’t care. Her moaning his name so beautifully in his ear, clawing at his back and hair as her walls gripped him._

_“Oh yes, Joker!”_

“Boss!”   
“Boss!” Jonny said poking Joker once to try and wake him, he had no delusions that if should try and shake him awake he wouldn’t die.

“What?” Joker growled out, angry at having been awoken from his dream of the glory’s that lay between Harley’s thighs. It had been a long two days riding back from Louisiana to Metropolis to find this Doc, and J had spent most of it flitting in and out of consciousness and plotting as Jonny or Panda Man drove.

“Were here boss, well down the street,” Jonny began. “We got all the supplies you asked for so what do you want to do?”

“Bring the gift basket and bomb around Jonny boy,” Joker said with forced gleefulness. They were about to have some fun, cause some mayhem. Jonny hopped out the car barking orders to the others as he followed J’s orders.

Unsurprisingly they were able to pull the entire plan off without a hitch.

_'Because **she** wasn't here to fuck it up'_

Blow up guard shack, shoot and kill everyone inside, threaten doctor with his wife. The best part was where Joker got to inject the good doctor with his own neck bomb, oh the beautiful irony. But yet he didn’t laugh, only a fleeting moment of glee as he caused the man pain. There was no satisfaction, it was a good joke but it just wasn’t doing it for him.

_‘Kill them all’_

That would get him no where fast. No henchmen means no Harley, so no he couldn’t kill them. He would have to suck it up and deal with it.

_‘“I promise I won’t hurt you, just let me in, let me love you”’_

But she had hurt him by leaving, without her he felt wounded. The hole in his chest gaping and ragged the longer he had to go without her. He missed her and that’s what had shocked him most of all. She irritated him, drove him insane all fucking day long with her fucking accent and her perfect smell, always canoodling him. Kept him in a constant state of irritation and arousal. He couldn’t keep his dick in his pants for more than two seconds when she was around, but he missed her. He wanted to see her in her cage at the club. He wanted to see her in his purple sheets waiting naked for him. He wanted her sitting at the end of the couch in his office waiting for him to give her his attention.

She said she loved him, vowed to live for him. Had given herself over to him, body and soul! So why was she gone?! Why had she left him with this pain. He was going to get her back make no mistake about it. Even if it was just so that he could kill her and be rid of the weakness she created in him. No one was allowed to play with his things except him.

 _‘You know why she’s gone’_  
_‘“Puddin’ I cant swim!”’_

It always came back to that fucking date night. One of these days the guilt he felt over leaving her was going to eat him alive.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Questions? I didn't feel as strongly about this chapter as I did the last two, but hey its done for now. On to the next!


	4. Unblanced

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mister J finally takes the chopper to go get his Harley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always these characters do not belong to me in any way. I also wanted to take a moment to thank all the lovely people who have reviewed or left kudos, you made my day and helped me to get this done faster. This is un-beta'd as always and any mistakes are my own. Enjoy!

* * *

 

Chapter 4 - Unbalance

  
The good Doc had respectfully requested that they would have to get closer to Harley’s location in order to disarm the bomb in her neck. J had agreed, and he and Johnny had hijacked a helicopter that was left in the back of the building. Panda mans crew had taken out the extraction crew with ease, J didn’t even have them get rid of the dead bodies before he was on and directing the pilot where to go. With little delay they were off and chasing after Harley in the heart of Midway city.

**‘I’m coming to get you’**

He growled and put the phone back into his tuxedo pocket after sending Harley the text, her favorite tuxedo. He was going to show her he was sorry, even if he couldn't bring himself to say it. Somewhere, in the part of his head that was still sane he knew he had more to be sorry for than just leaving her in the lambo, perhaps starting with how he had driven her insane.

He almost wished that he could resist her, even before when she was still Doctor Harleen Qinzel he had wanted her desperately. After all that was why he had played this game with her. He had been mad, enraged even that she could make him lustful with just a glance of her baby blue eyes batting at him. At first he had thought for sure that she was using their attraction to manipulate him into doing what she wanted, after all she was a smart girl. He allowed her to lure him in thinking she had the upper hand, all with the intent of murdering her after he fucked her for thinking she could toy with him. It hadn’t been until the first time he had her underneath him, until he had finally gotten to taste her skin and see her reactions that he understood that she was actually in love with him. And from there it had been easy to play her right into his lap, so eager to please him, eager for his love. He had wanted to test it to see how much he could get her to do in the name of love, and so he had stayed his hand.

_‘“Take me with you when you leave, please Mistah J.”'_  
 _‘“Of course I will….I live for these moments with you Dr. Quinzel.”’_  
Words he had said across the table during one of their sessions. While not exactly a lie, as he did live for those moments with her. He was still a man after all, but he had o intention of taking her with him. None.

Poor needy Doctor Quinzel had fallen for him hard, and he made sure she felt like she was his. Made sure he left marks and bruises from his teeth on her body in places that no one but the two of them would see. He spent all his nights worshipping her skin, licking sucking and biting. Oh but he hadn’t realized she left her mark on him too. Arrogant bastard that he was, he thought he could remain closed off from her hot mouth sucking him. Thought that he felt nothing as she devoured him in return, running her fingers through his hair as she bit and nipped at his body.

  
When she had chased him down and jumped into the chemical vat it had pierced his long since cold heart. She really loved him, was willing to do anything for him and it made him unable to kill her. He would destroy her eventually, he was sure of that but in that moment he realized he wasn’t done with his crazy Doc and so he had gone in after her. But she wasn’t who he had found, he had saved Harley Quinn. And she was glorious, she lived for him indeed. And now he had to get her back.

“Boss were getting there soon, about another twenty minutes,” Jonny said from the cockpit. Joker nodded and Jonny went about getting the machine gun set up in the back. J reached in his suit jacket and pulled out the phone.

**‘I am close. Be ready.’**  
His phone buzzed back before he could put back in his blazer.  
 **‘Sure thing Puddin’**

And just seeing her respond the word to him made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside, made this breath catch in his throat as he longed to hear those words fall from her lips. He fucking hated it, how unbalanced this longing for her made him feel. He would have to control himself when they got her, it wouldn’t do to have her thinking he liked the god awful name.   
  
_‘Kill her’_  
Cause that went so well the last time we tried. Look at the predicament I’m in now after listening to you, lost, wounded. A mere ghost of the man he could be, of the god he had been before her.

“Were here boss,” Jonny yelled across to him. “They’re hailing us now for the extraction!”

That was all about to change. He was about to be himself again, he was about to get his kitten back. She would fix him.

“Let’s go boys,” he cackled out.   
The pilot dropped the back tail and Jonny sat behind the 50 Cal machine gun and turned to aim as the helicopter swung around so that the roof top was before them.

“Now!” J growled out as he and Jonny began to rain down bullets on them taking out the spares and avoiding anyone with colorful clothes on. It was a bit difficult from this distance to discern who was whom but J didn’t care as long as they didn’t hit her. The adrenaline rush had him cackling like his old self, wildly shooting across the roof happy to foil their plans. He saw Jonny smirking out of the corner of his eye, no doubt glad that "the boss" was finally showing signs of his old self.

“Oh Doctor! Could you hurry it up a bit,” J yelled over his shoulder to the cockpit as he noticed the soldiers regrouping and firing back. He couldn’t get his girl back if the damn bomb was still active in her neck, or if they blew up the helo. 

“It’s done!,” the frightened man yelled back after a few moments. J reached with his unoccupied hand into his tuxedo jacket again whipping out the phone and texting Harley again.  
 **‘Now.’**

And finally he saw her! Her glorious colorful pig tails, cloaked in the outfit he had gotten her. Her smile as she finally laid eyes on him mad his chest heave, she still wasn’t close enough. He kicked the thick rope off the back of the chopper.

“Come on baby,” he growled out, his eyes glued on her. The gun in his hand was forgotten as he stared at her soaking in his first glimpse of her in months. She was still just as pale, beautiful, and devoted to him as she shrugged her sparkling jacket off and took off at a run across the top of the building.

His breath was caught in his throat as she jumped but he should have known better, she caught it flawlessly and struck a pose. He felt the grin stretch wide across his face as he laughed his signature laugh, pride in his kitten filling him. He knew she could do it. 

“Let’s go Jonny!” J yelled across to him. Jonny abandoned the 50 cal and went to the cockpit, telling them to head to Gotham. J could feel the wound in his chest closing as he looked at her climbing up the rope towards him while the chopper took off.

Before he could get a hand down to help her a shot rang out and for a second his heart stopped as he realized the depths they were going to go through to stop her from leaving their group. He knew who was on this little team with her, the one they called Deadshot, he never missed. No! She belonged to him, her life was his!

“Harley! Harley!,” he yelled as he saw her body drop on the rope. Her head was slumped down at an angle her was familiar with from all dead bodies he had left in his wake.

No, not his girl. His queen, his partner, his Harleen. She couldn’t be... gone. No. Not when he had just come to realize the depths of his feelings for her.

_“‘Puddin’ I can’t swim’”_

This was his punishment for leaving her in the first place. 

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Suggestions? Thank you for reading!


	5. Foolishness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistah J journey's back to Gotham. Think of this as us seeing a side to him we don't usually see. I imagined that this failure would be pretty hard on him. Taking him to places he wouldn't usually go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes every time we must go through this. I do not own these characters, they are the property of WB, DCU and whomever else. I'm merely borrowing them. This chapter is not beta'd, any mistakes are my own. Be kind.

* * *

 

Chapter 5- Foolishness

  
The Joker thought that he had known despair before. He thought he had understood what the loss of her presence would do to him, but no…… That was nothing compared to the.. heartbreak he felt now. He had her, she had been in his grasp, her lips on his. Her body in his arms. And now she was gone again, and he had narrowly escaped making it out with his life.

When he had thought she was dead a hot terrible rage and speared through him, but the joy that spread through him when she lifted up and gave a laugh had erased all thoughts of revenge. His Harlequinn was alive and climbing up the rope to him. He had pulled her up and then she was in his arms yelling that stupid nick name and smothering him in kisses. To his disappointment the thought of pushing her off him and denying her affection hadn’t even occurred to him. What had this woman done to him?

‘“You got all dressed up for me”” she had asked him coyly, her Brooklyn accent sounding like his own personal heaven.  
‘“Oh you know I’d do anything for you,” he had told her before claiming her lips briefly.

J had meant that, god he would do anything for her, to be with her. And she had proven time and time again that she felt the same way. And so naturally of course the universe decided that since he was happy, giddy even that it shouldn’t last. And that was fair he supposed, after all the people he had killed why should he get to enjoy life. That didn’t mean he couldn’t be angry about it.

_‘Should’ve killed her’_

No. In that moment when he had her in his arms and they had the illusion of getting to safety he had never been more grateful that he had’t killed her. Never had he been more thankful that the voices hadn’t driven him to do the unthinkable and leave her to drown that night at ACE chemicals. So when Jonny had spotted the missile and called his attention to it, he knew that the pilot wouldn’t have time to maneuver away from it. So be it, if they went down they would go together. That had always been the plan from the moment they stepped out of that vat of chemicals.

“It’s just me and you doll,” he said as he looked towards the ground, seeing if they could jump.  
“Let’s do it,” she said grinning despite the fear he knew was coursing through her.

She had been so beautiful, and always was. When he had first seduced her in Arkham she had been like an oasis to him, a beautiful reprieve from his madness. And when he had seen her fall out the back of that helicopter his sanity had gone with her. But she had lived, he saw her roll across the roof top they flew over. Jonny had pulled up the rope Harley had used to climb out and they used it to swing out of the exploding aircraft, narrowly missing being blown to bits. Even still being on the rope, they had not completely escaped the blast from the explosion and had flown into the glass of the surrounding sky scrappers.

Joker hadn’t come to until a few days later. Buried under rumble in his scorched tuxedo, his head swimming from the fall as he tried to figure out where the fuck Jonny was. The phone in his pocket had been crushed and was of no use to him now. 

“Boss,” he finally heard a gruff reply as he saw the pile of rocks to his left lift up and Jonny emerged from within them. He had several scrapes and bruises, and was bleeding from somewhere but he was still mobile as he limped over to me. Jokers own injuries were there, but he was desensitized to them as Harley’s falling face took up his focus.

“Frost,” J growled out. He looked at Joker cautiously and stopped a few feet away. No doubt wondering if he was going to kill him in the anger that could be felt rolling off the J. Joker surveyed their surroundings, noticing that the building where the witch had been based out of had been blown to bits. In fact there was no one else in the city as far as they could see. That meant that Harley’s team was gone.

_‘Find her’_

He would. J set off through the city looking to see if there was any indication of  
Harley’s presence as they went.

  
“Time to go Jonny boy, lets go find a ride,” J said as he staggered off. He had moves to make, it would not due to be gone for so long.

—————————————————  
As Jonny drove down back to Gotham, Joker was plotting. He would no doubt have to fight to get his territory back it had been four days, the vultures would be circling. and only after he did that could he go and retrieve Harley from whatever hole they had thrown her in. He was sure they would be angry with her for trying to escape with him, he had found no trace of her in the ruined city except her collar. J rubbed his thumb across the cool metal in his pocket, it brought him comfort and assuaged the ache in his chest enough that he could think. No point in bringing a queen back if there was no kingdom for her to rule over.

————————————————————-

It had taken another day of driving for them to reach Gotham, and that was with stopping for them both to get food and sleep. Joker had driven into the city and kicked Jonny out the car in the Narrows, sure that he could find his own way to get fixed up somewhere around there. Jonny had made a name for himself long before he came to work for Joker.

As soon as J kicked him out, he found himself on the other side of town driving down an unfamiliar street in a suburban neighborhood. He had never been here before, he had only memorized the address one time. Determined that it hadn’t been important enough for him to keep lying around. Or was it that, this was what he told himself but the real reason he didn’t keep the address laying around was because it was too important.

He pulled up down the street but turned his focus to the quiet two story house with a porch and a garage. The epitome of normal, everything he knew his Harleen had secretly wanted. His turned off the car in the and found he was at war with himself over wether to go in or not. He waited to see if the voices would speak to see which direction he could go, but for once they were mysteriously silent.

And so Joker found himself out of the car and down the street walking around the back of the house. He used a knife and was in the back kitchen door silently, creeping through the house as he noted pictures and kids items thrown about. As Joker made his way through he stumbled across the living room, and felt a jolt through his system at seeing her. A graduation picture of Harleen was on the wall, she looked much as she had when he first met her at Arkham Asylum. There were more pictures of her scattered through out this room, pictures of her in her life before she met him. Before she had become Harley.

“She told me you might come some day,” he heard a voice whisper. He turned and was met with familiar blue eyes, but they weren’t Harley’s. Now that he looked closer he could see that the nose was wrong too, but she had the same mouth. 

“Julie I presume,” he said theatrically. She thought he hadn’t heard her soft footfalls coming around the corner. Her blue eyes were angry, and her hair was curlier than her sisters had been before the chemicals, only hers was darker and tied up in a bun on the back of her head. She was a dirty blond, and shorter than Harley.

“Cut the shit, I know why you’re here. We both do. You know who I am and I know who you are,” she said angrily. J frowned and tutted at her.

“Not a very, uh gracious host are you doll,” he said taking a step closer. “I would mind my manners if I were you. If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead.”

“My sister would never forgive you,” she spat at him. He found himself getting angry and his hand itched to wrap itself around her throat, how dare she use his Harley against him. J laughed to cover up his emotions.

“Is that how you think it works?” he said as his voice low and menacing. And finally he saw a hint of fear cross her thin face. She remained silent, waiting on him to make the next move. He watched her for a moment before turning back to the graduation photo that caught his attention.

“Where is she?” he said lowly. He hadn’t wanted to ask her but the question was out of his mouth and across the room before he could keep it in.

“Harleen? Isn’t she with you?” she asked. And for the first time he heard something other than anger in her voice. Was that concern? Why did she still care after all this time?

“No, she’s not. But I wasn’t asking about Harley,” he said letting the statement hang in the air. There was silence and he could tell she didn’t want to tell him. He turned to look at her and saw her at war with herself.

“I really don’t want you to…. but no matter how much I hate it you are her father,” she said actually meeting his eyes for the first time that night. He grinned at her, reveling in her reluctant compliance.

“you will answer some questions before I let you see her,” she said cocking the shotgun that she held in her grasp. And for a moment he was proud that Harley had chosen someone willing to kill to protect their child.

“Oh are we going to play a game?” he asked sarcastically as he went and sat on her couch. He wasn’t phased by her shot gun, he could have his knife in her forehead before she pulled the trigger.

“Where’s Harleen?” she said frowning.  
“It’s Harley actually. She’s in prison Julie, been there the last year,” he said in a sing song voice as he rolled his eyes. His patients was wearing thin.

“You let her go to prison after having your kid,” she said in an angry Brooklyn accent. It was so similar to Harley, that his eyes popped open and he glared at her. Angry at her for accusing him , and angry with her for reminding him of what he was missing. Joker had no idea why he had come here, he got up and went to leave. He had been mistaken that anything in this house could make him feel her presence.

“I didn’t come here to answer your questions,” he said angrily, shoving Julie into the wall as he walked past her. He went to head back to the back door.

“Wait, I’m sorry. I get it, she’s gone so you figured you would come look at whatever piece of her you have,” she said apologetically. Her apologies grated his nerves, and he realized that although she favored his girl she was nothing like her. Harley would have grown angry with him, would’ve cussed him out and he would love it. She had never been afraid of him, even when she should.

_‘“Oh Puddin’ play with me please”’ she would plead as he pushed his blade into the side of her neck._

“Shut the fuck up little girl. You have no idea what your talking about,” he growled out. She nodded her head as tears swam in her eyes.

“I j-j-just w-wanted to b-be sure you wouldn’t hurt her!” she cried. He rolled his neck, as his patience was tested even further. He hated crying females, especially when he couldn’t kill them to stop the crying.

“Now why would I come al the way over here to kill her with no witnesses,” he said annoyed. Julie stopped her sniffling at once, and cocked her head at him in curiosity.

“You really came to see your child,” she said in disbelief. He felt his anger soaring to new heights. She had tried to play him to get her answers, clever girl. Perhaps she was more like her sister than he thought.

“Stop calling her that,” J snapped as he walked back towards her.

“But she is yours. Surely you know that. Harleen told me enough about your relationship that you should at least know that,” she said matter of factly, her eyebrow raised. Trust Harley to tell her sister all about their sex life. 

“Do I seem like the sort of man that should have a child around in his life,” Joker growled out, taking his knife out his pocket. Julie shook her head no as fear set in again. “Didn’t think so. Now where’s Lucy hmm?”

“Second door on the right,” Julie said softly as she pointed down another hallway leading to the other side of the house.

Joker quietly walked down the hallway and slowly opened the door to the room. There in the far corner beside the window was a crib. J crept over to it and peered inside at the baby sleeping peacefully. She was long and pale, with a head of golden blonde curls. Her thumb was in her mouth and she was wearing a thick sleeper to keep her warm. J stood their watching her for a while as she turned and rolled in her sleep. She would be walking now, or at least stumbling. J stepped back as he heard Julie creep into the room.

_‘Oh Puddin’ look at our little angel’_

“How old is she?” he mumbled, not taking is eyes off of her.

“She’s one and a half. Harley came here with me to have her, you must’ve known she was pregnant,” she whispered to him.

“I did. She tried to hide it, but I knew,” Joker admitted softly reaching a hand in to touch her cheek. He had never acknowledged it out loud before but he had known. Her body had changed and he had tried to ignore it until he couldn’t anymore. It had bough back unpleasant memories for Jack and caused him to be more at war with himself than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What you think? Too much? I felt pretty good about this chapter, let me know what you thought.


	6. Delusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is just two flashbacks from Jokers point of view to help you guys understand why he found himself at Julie's house upon his arrival back in the Gotham area after failing to get Harley. I imagined that he wanted a nice reminder of her while he does his version of wallowing in self pity for his failure

Chapter 6- Delusion

She had left him, actually fucking left. He had been on a binge of pills and cocaine the last month, and after a big fight he woke to find her gone. At first he had let it go, she would be back, she always came back. But after three weeks and no call from Ivy he realized she wasn’t just staying with the weed. She was gone.

_‘Get her back, make her come home’_   
_‘Bleed her, make her pay’_

Joker told himself he wasn’t going to take her back, that he didn’t need her. Of course that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to know exactly where she was, no one got to leave him and live. Least of all her. J hadn’t even asked Jonny to do it, he had searched and found her himself. She had to be hiding out at her sisters house on the outskirts of town between Gotham and Metropolis, along the bay. That was the last place he had left to look after turning over all of her usual haunts, including her old apartment she owned as Dr. Quinnzel. Julie Quinnzel wasn’t too hard to find and with a little effort he had found an address.

Joker pulled up in the suburban neighborhood wondering how much make up she was going through, trying to blend in around here with her bleach hair and skin. He silently closed the door to the car and went around the house scouting to see if he could find a way in.

It was late so the other occupants in the house should be asleep giving him the element of surprise. Muffled voices as he crept past the side of the house told him that this was not the case, and a familiar laughter told him that one of them was his Harley. She was laughing? Having a good time without him?

_‘She left us’_

She was still his. Leaving didn’t mean that J gave up ownership of her, was that not why he was here? The only way his possessions got away was through death.

“I just don’t want to picture it Harleen,” he heard a soft voice laugh out. “It’s so creepy!”  
“Oh trust me it’s not creepy when I’m doing it, something about the way he purrs when he gets all excited makes me wet like no other. Swear I could cum off him just looking at me a certain way, ya know” Harley sighed wistfully, in her full on relaxed Brooklyn accent. And despite his anger with her, J felt his chest swell with pride to hear how he effects his woman. He knew it had to be him she was referencing cause god she could make him purr like no other.

“Well then why are you here? Go home and get your socks knocked off,” the voice he assume to be Julie questioned. And he paused wanting to hear her answer. Sure she was probably mad about his decent back into drugs but that was nothing new. Why had she really left? Any other time she would just flush them and distract him from noticing with sex. 

_‘Do you really not know?’_

“As much as I love Mistah J, I know not to bring a baby into our relationship. It would set him off in a way I don’t want to see,” Harley whispered softly. “He could ask me to do anything for him and I would. How could I bring a baby into a place where I can’t put it first.”  
“So when I realized what was happening I had to leave. He probably won’t even notice I’m gone,” she whispered dejectedly. J felt his stomach heave and had to hold his breath to keep his stomach contents down.

_‘As if you hadn’t noticed’_

She was pregnant. The throwing up, the crying, the sensitivity, how horny she had been before she left. She had been riding him non stop the last few weeks before she disappeared, constantly attacking him for sex. The temptation of that made him want to go in there, to take her home and show her just how much he had noticed she was gone. She was his, his woman, his queen, free to do with as he pleased, and anything that came out of her was damn well his.

_‘It better be, she is ours’_

He damn well agreed with that one. Why should he leave her here, her place was with him. But she was pregnant, then what? Take her on jobs all pregnant? The idea of that was enough to make Joker cringe. J figured that the thought of that was probably what made his Pumpkin come all the way here to her sisters house.

“You love him that much? You let him control you that much Harleen? That’s ridiculous! He changes you that much?! He beats you and you can still love him that much?” he heard Julie ask her sister incredulously. He didn't like the way she questioned his girl, she sounded much too much like the ever present weed that was always trying to tear her away from him. 

“And more Jules. I love him, and being around him is like having all the air sucked out of the room. He is my oxygen and it kills me to be away from him. But here I am, so give me some credit,” Harley replied, growling out the end. He felt a surge of pride as she defended their twisted relationship. 

“Credit for dumping your problems on me?” Julie said sarcastically. J had been waiting for the moment when Harley would put a knife in her little sisters throat and felt a little disappointment when he realized she wasn’t going to. Why not? Perhaps more of the good Dr. Quinnzel remained in her head than he thought.

_‘More treatment is needed then’_

Could he do that to her now? Snatch her from this house and subject her to shock therapy while she was pregnant with his child? The idea cause a storm of emotions inside J as he tried to decide which way to go.

“Just this one, I’ll get my tubes tied I swear. It’s just that in all honesty I never thought that J and I could have little babies anymore. We took our little trip into the chemicals and after that I barely had a period. I mean we’ve been together so long how come it never happened before ? And let me tell you we go at it like rabbits I swear, as surly as he can be J sure likes to play hide the sausage games all day,” she finished on a giggle. Her sister even laughed, Joker was having a hard time keeping up with these girls and their emotions. Fucking women.

“Okay,” Julie softly whispered to her. “I’ll do it, but only because you did come to me and if you get your tubes tied. We don’t need a whole gang of mini Jokers running around.”

Harley giggled softly and nodded as she sniffled, she was crying J mused. He wasn’t sure if he would be seen if he peeked through the widow so he didn’t want to chance it. He was still on the fence about if he was going to go in and bring her home. But she wanted to leave the baby here, with her sister. Never to be a part of their Fun House. Was that for the best?

“You’re going to go back to him afterwards aren’t you?” Julie said solemnly. He could still hear Harley sniffling in the back ground.   
“Yes I am,” Harley sobbed out sorrowfully.  
Joker turned around and left, deciding that this was all he needed to know. She would be back and he would wait.

 

* * *

 

 

Waiting had turned out to be an even longer task than the Joker had anticipated. In her absence his anger had faded after a few days and he had passed into the longing area. It was no where near what he was feeling now with her locked up in Belle Reve, more like the beginning stages of that. Joker knew she was coming back that time, it was just a matter of waiting for her time to be done.

Joker had taken to fucking with Harvey Dent to pass is time, the young ambitious DA had stepped on his toes one too many times. Coming in and finding all his crocked cops, and making it hard for him to get his plans done with no interruptions from Gothams finest or the bat. J wasn’t the only one with this problem. Penguin, Nigma, Crane, the mob bosses had all complained about the new kid on the block which had lead to all of them planning together without Joker. Of course Joker had never been one to share but he didn't like not being invited, so he had gone to the meetings and killed them. Then he went back to his hideout and made his own plan. He needed to get rid of Dent and the Bat in one fell swoop, and he come up with the most beautiful way to do it. It had all gone off beautifully and without a hitch. Harvey Dent was no more, he had now become two-face. Jokers very own Ace in the Hole.

_‘No woman fucking it up with her “bright” ideas.’_

Joker growled out loud at the voice bringing up his woman, his absent woman. He had thrown himself into prepping for this job, making sure that each thing went off as scheduled so that he could cause the most pain and the most rage, Joker had planned many many jobs over the last nine months and each one had been foiled to his frustration. As if that wasn’t enough he had no Harley to console him afterwards, this had put him in a very foul mood indeed. Needless to say Mr. Dent needed to pay for his meddling, no one like a spoilsport.

So after a long day of luring and planting bombs it had gone off just the way he wanted it, including Batman failing to save the girl. Harvey Dent had lived and was transferred to Gotham general like he wanted, and Rachel Dawes was dead. He met with the remaining mob bosses the following morning and set up Batman and Gordon spectacularly after whispering a few twisted words in Dents one good ear. From there it had been beautiful chaos spinning out of control, and even though J had taken a beating from batsy it had been worth it.

Frost silently drove him back to the hideout after his escape from the building Batman had left him dangling from. Jonny parked in the garage as J headed up to the penthouse. Joker had been gone for the better part of five days and was running on fumes, he needed rest. Of course that changed when he got into his room. He had his knife in his hand instantly, someone had been here.

  
To his dismay his heart beat sped up as he spied what was different, there under his deep purple comforter was a sleeping Harley. It did a half leap in his chest as he took in her blonde waves peeking out, and upon closer inspection her face was streaked with mascara run tears. Joker wondered how long she had been here, had she arrived the moment he left? Had she been waiting for him to leave? What was supposed to happen now? Was he supposed to pretend that he didn’t know she had his baby? Were they supposed to go on as if nothing had changed? Harley made the Joker question everything he ever thought about himself and she hadn’t even opened her eyes yet, he hated it. It was confusing enough for him to wish her gone, but he didn’t exactly want that either. Growling J walked off to the connected bathroom and turned the shower on.

Frustrating woman had come in and derailed his mind with just her presence. Made him forget all about the well earned victory he was still supposed to be floating on. His thoughts completely consumed with her now. How to deal with the maelstrom of emotions she invoked in him?

_‘Console her’_  
Fucking Jack, always the touchy feely one. Earlier the other voices were saying how she fucks up everything, now this, how was he supposed to keep up with what they wanted. And why should he console her? Because she came crawling back with a face full of tears? He would have laughed in her face before so what was different now?

_‘She’s our woman, our queen, the itch in our crotch, our Harlequinn doll, daddies little monster… the mother of our child’_

  
That last one was new, and a little unpleasant for him to think of. But was that why Jack had been ever present this last year? Perhaps having a baby with Harley had reminded him of that other woman, the one before who’s name he could scarcely remember. The weak one who had died before she gave birth, Jack’s wife in his boring, miserable life. Joker could understand somewhere in his crazed mind why this would have pushed Jack closer to the front of his mind. It had been hell to keep him pushed back but the games he had been playing with Harvey Dent had made it easier, it had given him a distraction. Now that it was over his errant woman had of course come back bringing him back with her.

_‘As if I ever left’_

Joker growled and banged his head against the tile of the shower, frustration and anger getting the better of him. For once since his dip in the acid and he had no idea what to do, how to feel, or better yet how not to feel.

_‘But you do’_

“Will you shut up?!” Joker yelled out loud as he quickly turned the water off in the shower. He quickly padded across the room back to the bedroom, water dripping off of him and his chest panting from anger only to stop short once he got to the bed. Harley was awake and looking at him solemnly.

“I-“  
“Shut up,” he hissed menacingly as she started to speak. Her voice would only set him off even further. Her big blue eyes were gazing at him intently, waiting for him to move to let her know what to do. Although she was wary, and sad, there was no fear in her gaze. There never had been and that was a reason he kept her around. J tried to control his labored breathing with deep calm breaths to cool his temper, it would not do any good to kill her the first night back.

_‘And why not? Why shouldn’t we kill her? Vexing woman!’_   
_‘No!’_

“God damn it I said shut up!” he yelled grabbing the clock off the night stand and throwing it across the room so that he wouldn’t use it to smash her head in. Tears started pool in her eyes, and it caused that stabbing sensation in his chest again. Much like when he had jumped in the vat of acid after her. J sat on the bed and began frustratingly gripping at his hair, trying to vent his frustration. But her small hands slid on top of his stilling his movements. He let his hands fall back and she hesitantly began running her fingers through his hair.

_‘Oh Harley’_

“Harley,” he sighed as some of his anger fled. Her fingers were like magic distracting him from the maelstrom inside him and just focus on the moment.

“I’m here Mistah J,” she whispered softly. She was sniffling again from behind his back, crying again, or had she ever stopped? That made the pain in is chest reach unbearable points and he flung her hands off of him and stood up and turned around to look at her. He pale hair cascading down her back and sholders, her full pouty lips, her breast much fuller than he remembered, but her waist as he could see it from where she was kneeling on the bed was still the same. No evidence of what had lain there within the last nine months. She was still beautiful, his pale goddess.

  
“Harley,” he said softly as he pulled her into his arms. She started crying again. “Why are you crying doll?”

“I’ve upset you by coming back,” Harley whispered. She thought he didn’t want her?

Joker tried to remain calm as he held her to him. Control was the matter, he couldn’t take his anger out on her. She would leave him, again.

“No not that, I’m glad you came back,” he replied softly. She turned her quizzical gaze upon him and looked him square in the eyes. She pulled out of his embrace and spotted back up the bed to the headboard. J followed her, slowly crawling over to her and laying is head in her lap.

“You okay Mistah J,” she asked catiously. Joker felt his mouth stretch into a soft grin, him playing nice put her on edge but his anger made her come closer. What a twisted pair they made.

“No, I don’t suppose I am,” J said as he reached up to play with a peace of her hair. “It’s been a rough year.”

“Oh has it?” she asked eyebrow raised, genuinely interested. Joker chuckled and reached up to run a finger down the side of her face, wiping the tears away.

“Why yes, my favorite toy left me for so long. I had to find other things to pass the time.”

“Better not have been any other girls Mistah J!” she replied snappily as she snatched her hair out of his hand.

_‘Good girl’_

She still had her spunk, still willing to stupidly stand up to him at the risk of her own health. 

“Don’t want me fucking other women? Is that why you left me for the last year?” Joker said eyebrow raised mockingly. Harley’s nerve fled and her gaze was full of nervousness.   
“You noticed?” she asked softly, as she tried to avoid his gaze.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit for how much I like having you around Pumpkin. Of course I noticed. The drugs weren't that good,” J scoffed as he grabbed a piece of her hair again, twirling the faded blue tip around his finger. “So you going to fess up to why you left Harley girl? Hmm?”

Tears gathered in her eyes as she leaned back against the headboard trying to further hide her gaze from him. J sighed and released her hair instead sliding his hand underneath her shirt. He slid it up her side as he sat up kneeling in front of her. And then the moment that he had been waiting for since she left. J leaned in and kissed her softly, full of longing and pride that he could never have voiced. She had carried and birthed their child, all by herself. Even if she didn’t know he knew.

“God I’ve missed you Harls,” he whispered against her soft lips. She was only hesitant for a moment before melting into him.

“Oh I missed you too Puddin’,” she moaned out wrapping her arms around his neck. Joker maneuvered them so she was underneath him and began kissing her more ardently. Tongue softly meeting hers, instead of devouring her like he usually would. J trailed kisses down her neck, sucking as he went, stopping at all the familiar spots that he had found over the years. J smoothed his hands along her skin as he dragged her t-shirt up and over, leaving her naked before him.

Joker perked up and noticed the very few stretch marks littering her stomach now, mostly on the sides. It made no difference. Her breast were free of them and just as perky as before, her thighs still just as toned and so were her arms. She must’ve still been practicing with her silks.

“Are you going to tell me now or are you going to make me say it?” J said softly. She had finally noticed that he was still naked from the shower, and was entranced by his hardness wanting to touch it. While he was flattered Joker was trying to get her to see that he had gotten them naked for a reason other than sex. If she was going to come back and be his partner like before they needed to be stripped down like they had after the acid.

Tears welled in Harley’s eyes as she shook her head back and forth. “I can’t J please,” she begged. Joker sighed and grabbed her by the chin forcing her gaze back up to him.

“Look at me Harley,” he said sternly. “This is me, striped down for you. Ask me anything you want to know and I will tell you. I am baring myself to you and you will do the same, no lies, no secrets.”

“Okay, okay.. I.. J .. We m-made a baby J,” she trembled out, and for the first time that night J saw fear in her eyes. “But please- please-“

_‘Make her stop that, it’s fucking grating’_  
Joker put his finger over her lips shushing her. Pulling her in close and resting her head in the crook of his neck as he quieted her, running his hand down her soft hair.

“I’m not going to hurt it, calm down. Even I don’t like the idea of that game,” he said laughing slightly at the end. Harley wiped her eyes and leaned back to look at his face after a little while, studying his face as if looking for something.

“What?” J said looking right back at her. She was so beautiful and he wasn’t sure what he had done to deserve this woman who came back to him. This beautiful woman who was breaking her own heart in the process, just to make sure that his child was safe from him. He knew he didn’t deserve her but he had her none the less and wasn’t about to let her go now.

“Your really not mad,” she said curiously. She reached up to touch his face and he froze for a moment causing her to hesitate. Joker had never stopped her, he never cared about them. But for the Jack side of him that was so near the surface, the scars on his face were a real reminder, he still had those memories of how they happened. Memories of living with the shame of having them on his face.

_“Why so serious?!”_

“Hey,” she said softly, running her hand across the front of his chest. “It’s fine, I won’t.”

That annoyed him, nothing would scare him off. “No, it’s okay,” J said reaching down and bringing her hand slowly up to his face. Joker felt so much like a normal man in that moment that it frightened him. The feelings invoked by the memories of his past and Harleen’s return melting him from the inside.

“Tell me, what was it?” J asked against her hand as he gazed into her eyes. She smiled wistfully at him for a moment as her eyes welled up again, and with it returned that sharp pain through his chest and a churning in his gut. Was that guilt?

“A girl…… A pretty blonde little girl with your eyes,” she said as the first tear fell. “I named her Lucy, Lucy Quinzel…. I- I didn’t know what-,” she broke off on a sob. Joker wrapped his arms around her and laid down with her, tucking her into his side.

“I know,” J replied. She hadn’t known what his last name was so she gave the little girl hers. Which was fine eh told himself, the twinge there wasn’t quite as bad. Less ways for people to track her down in connection to him.

“Did you know?” Harley squeaked out.   
“Yes, I did. I was married, before,” Jack said, meaning before his initial dip in the chemicals. “My wife was pregnant, and you were the same way she was.”

“You never said anything,” Harley said angrily.  
“Neither did you,” he snapped back frowning slightly.

“No not about that. I mean, the fact that you were married before,” Harley said cocking her head. Her voice was slightly colored by jealousy and J smirked a little. He quickly pushed her down into the mattress and pinned her beneath him.

“She died a long time ago, and the baby with her. I don’t even remember her name anymore, cause I’m not that man anymore. But it was nothing like what we have Harls, I can promise you that,” he said seductively before kissing down the side of her face to her ear. He wanted to make sure she would waste no time dwelling over a ghost, a woman who no longer had any place between them. He hadn’t been the man the other woman married in a long time, and he never would be.

“You are my queen, my Harlequin, my partner…. you are mine in every way. There has never been a woman that captures me the way you do,” he said before crushing his lips to hers. Harley moaned and wrapped her arms around J’s neck pulling him down until he was sure he was crushing her tiny frame. The voices could agree with that one, the other woman death may have been the catalyst for his downfall but his problems had begun long before her.

“Oh god J, please,” Harley moaned out as she writhed beneath J, stirring him out of his head. Grinding her pussy against his leg. J groaned into her mouth, gripping her hips hard in his hands before sliding around to grab her ass. Harley slid one hand up to tangle in his hair, making him purr as he ground himself against her leg.

He spent the rest of the night reacquainting himself with her body, making her moan his name in all the different ways he had missed. Her mewling as he nibbled on her clit, her screams as he pounded into her from behind, her soft cries as he softly kissed across her body as he clutched her to him drawing out their passion. He kept her up all night and at the end of it when she passed out he sat at the head of the bed with her head and arm across his stomach, a cigarette hanging from his mouth as he contemplated the idea of what she had looked like pregnant.

 

* * *

 

 

The memory of that was what had brought him here, to look at the little girl he had created with his woman. The little girl who opened her eyes to look at him with his own mercury eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo? I was completely nervous about putting this one up so I sat on it for a while. I kept reading it over and over and I'm still not quite happy with it but a review I read made me decide to put it up there so thank you for all the wonderful encouragement I've gotten from you lovely lovely people!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?


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